My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
