So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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