How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
