There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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