You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
