There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
