Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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