i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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