OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It's blow job season.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
