I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
