I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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