well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
