are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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