you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
