I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
