you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
