I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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