He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
