Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
