She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
