There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Welp...herpes.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
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hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
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He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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