Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
