I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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