when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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