Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
