so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
it was like eating out sand paper
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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