She is in my trunk
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
