Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
