At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
