let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
No...this little piggys going to the bar
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
