I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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