I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
