I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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