The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
do herpes really smell.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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