I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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