Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
