Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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