I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
