Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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