her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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