at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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