Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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