you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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