Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
