apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
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I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
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I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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