so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
