We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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