just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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