Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
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