So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So much rum. So many feels.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
