The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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