i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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