I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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