it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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