Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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