So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
