I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
