if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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