ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
