I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
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Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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