there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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