I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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