I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
