So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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